Thank you for the wonderful notes you sent to me after I published “The Best I Could Do”, I’m very happy to hear that my stories resonate with you, and appreciate all the encouragement to keep writing to you from the heart.
As promised, today is Part Two in my new series, “3 Quotes that Changed My Life.” I hope you enjoy it.
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Mary Pickford Taught Me This.
I was in the early weeks of radiation treatments for cancer when I flipped the page of my “Notable Women” wall calendar and saw a new face, Mary Pickford’s, shining brightly back at me.
Along with an image of the silent film actress, screenwriter and producer, was this quote:
“It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with it that counts.”
– Mary Pickford
Reading that sentence changed me as a 23-year-old, and Pickford’s words have continued to shape my life ever since. Every time I say to myself — or sing to myself — Pickford’s words, I am reoriented. Reinfused with power. Fired up with clarity.
For life gives us plenty of opportunities to get sidetracked from our dreams. Bad things — illnesses, separations, deaths, unfortunate events — happen, and when they do, if you’re wired like I once was, the Bad Things become your focus. You find yourself thinking things like this:
- “I can’t pursue my passion, because this Bad Thing happened. To ME!”
- “If that Bad Thing can happen who knows what else terrible can happen.”
- “Geez, I better rage at the Bad Thing.”
- “I can’t have fun / feel happy. I’m too busy preparing for the Next Bad Thing.”
Bless my 23-year-old heart.
Back then I was resigned, and not so logical. I wasn’t an optimist, either — I was a victim. Despite my prolific smiles and many friends, I spent a fair amount of time feeling sorry for myself. Also, I felt so unique! I know better now, because I meet people like you all the time who have come through life-altering challenges. In my early 20s though, I didn’t know too many young people with life-threatening illnesses or challenging childhoods. I’d thought I was alone.
I kept that Mary Pickford calendar page up for months and months that year. I taped Pickford’s quote to my mirror. I wrote a song about it. And every time I read, “it’s not what happened to you, it’s what you do with it that counts,” I felt free.
Pickford’s words taught me to shift my gaze away from circumstance and towards my own response.
Suddenly, singing and writing seemed more important than ever, for in a blues form or a mournful ballad or exquisitely phrased lyric, I could transmute suffering to beauty, isolation to connection, self-pity to generosity.
Making art became very important to me. Making art allowed me do something. And a few years later, as I stood in the corner of the local bookstore singing my heart out on Saturday nights, I used my tough experiences to make a tiny corner of the world a bit better.
How do I know?
People smiled, as I sang. Some people stopped to listen to song after song. And a few people would stand there and cry as I sang. Their tears used to make me feel guilty (especially if they were on a date). Now I know better. Now I know that their hearts were opening in response to my music. Now I know that touching someone deeply isn’t a bad thing — it’s a gift for them and for me.These days, at least once a week I remind myself that “it’s not what happens to me, it’s what I do with it that counts.” Pickford’s words have taught me to refocus. Pickford’s words have taught me a new kind of discipline I used to lack.
Through the years I’ve learned that my challenging times and yours can be of great use, but only when we consciously choose to see our life experiences — even the worst ones — as a resource, and not a burden.
As I’m sure you know but may sometimes forget: everything bad that’s ever happened to you is a dark and rich potential fuel. It’s up to you to mine it. It’s up to you to transmute it. It’s up to you to share what you create, to take a risk to touch another life or heart or person with your path, your passion and your voice.
Wishing you much clarity and freedom for your journey
